Commit To Quitting Porn Now with These 5 Steps:
Finding anti-porn information is as easy as watching porn itself. Having the right information is imperative: It's important to understand the underlying causes and motivations for your addiction/behavior. You want to have a basic understanding of how addiction works, how dopamine functions in your brain, and the triggers and situations that cause you to act out.
Luckily I can sum these up for you in a matter of a few bullet points:
- Addiction is when a behavior or habit becomes so engrained in your life that you participate in the behavior without control of it. Dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter involved in pornography (and all) addiction.
- Not all porn use is addiction. However, if you have repeatedly tried to stop, and feel intense shame and disappointment surrounding your behavior, and still can’t change, it’s likely you are addicted to some extent.
- The use of high-speed internet porn has created problems for our generation that has never been seen before. We can thumb through thousand of naked women with virtually no effort. This can lead to problems associated with over-consuming porn such as PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction), shame, low energy, changing sexuality, and depression/anxiety.
- Your brain is neuroplastic, meaning it CAN change if exposed to the right habits for long enough. 90 days is a good starting point but full recovery can take 1–2 years depending on severity and years spent using porn.
There you go: You are now fully ready to start your journey to recovery.
What is important is not that you keep gathering information forever. What matters is that you are taking consistent, actionable steps towards beating your addiction every day. Although it is tempting to read testimonials after testimonials and studies all day long, it will not actually get you any closer to a life free of porn. You are only fantasizing.
If you understand the fundamental principles (summarized above) of what pornography addiction is and how it works, you are more than ready and capable to start tackling this behavior. Here are some simple, effective steps to begin taking right now to prove that you are a man who takes action, not a man who dreams about what could be. Grab pen and paper, write these steps down, and check off every item before the week’s end:
1.Install a filter software: Installing a filter software will buy you time when you get urges. Filters are always by-passable in some way, but will buy you time to think and make a better decision.
I highly recommend using Covenant Eyes, a porn-blocking filter for Apple and Android (phone and computer) that actively monitors and screenshots your screen at random points throughout the day and sends them to an accountability partner, priced at $15.99/month (note: accountability partners do not need to pay as well, only the account owner). I admit it is a little pricey, but ask yourself, is quitting your addiction worth $16 a month? For me it absolutely is. Remember, you are a man who takes action. If you try it for a month, you can earn $16 back by working 1 hour of a minimum wage job in some cities. If you are not willing to pay, there are free blockers, such as Blocker X.
*note: I am not affiliated in any way with Covenant Eyes or BlockerX. I am not paid by them in any way.*
2. Find an accountability partner. An accountability partner is someone who you can talk openly about your porn use without fear of judgement, and ideally someone who can set you straight when you teeter off the path of recovery.
Ideally, an accountability partner has recovered from porn addiction, is in the process of recovering, or is someone who at least understands it. If you can’t find any of these three, someone who is close to you is better than no one. Begin sending your Covenant Eyes screen reports to your accountability partner. If you slip up and binge, it will be okay, as Covenant Eyes blurs images. Set up a once or twice a week time to talk to your accountability partner and talk through your implementation, struggles, and goals. Focus on what you did — remember — you recover by action, not ideas.
3. Start a reboot journal. Have a book dedicated only to your recovery/freedom from porn. Record a short entry once per day checking in, building awareness of your urges (what time of day/setting do they come in?what were you doing?), and record every slip/relapse you experience. Be sure to write when and where it happened, and how you felt before and after watching porn.
4. Create boundaries: Creating boundaries is crucial to recovering from porn. If all you did, out of every step, was create boundaries and no more, you will have a decent shot. Write them out in your journal and stick to them although it is hard.
Create boundaries with:
- Your devices: if you watch porn in the bathroom, create a boundary around bringing your phone in the bathroom. If you watch it in bed, no longer bring your phone to bed at all. If you really want to recover, you can live without scrolling while using the loo.
- Toxic people: you want to be in control of your life and your emotions. If people consistently disrespect or hurt you, limit your time with them, and cut them out if needed.
- Screen time: set a time limit for phone/computer leisure time each day, and don’t exceed it. More time on the internet = more likely to be exposed to something arousing.
5. Remember your why: Each day, write in your journal a brief why statement for quitting porn? What is yours? To be a better man for your partner/spouse? To be a year porn free on your wedding date? To be a man who can accomplish what he wants despite adversity? To never feel the haunting shame and disappointment of feeling like a let-down again? This is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. Find the most powerful, meaningful reason for quitting for good and write it out.
I recommend choosing something positive, like “To be my most confident self, the best man I can be for my family, and to look in the mirror feeling proud.” Being positive can help not reinforce shame and make you want to recover for good reasons, not out of fear or embarrassment.
Key Takeaway: Information alone will not get you to quit porn. Action paired with quality information is what creates change. Remember, you are a man who takes action, not one who daydreams about change. Complete these 5 steps, right now, to kickstart the process of quitting porn for good.
